OpenDevil » The Open Devil’s Dictionary

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The Open Devil’s Dictionary

The Devil’s Dictionary

Devil’s Dictionary X™

The Devil’s Dictionary (2.0)

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Five randomly selected definitions

The Devil’s Dictionary X™
weed
an undesirable plant of no value...say, that’s odd, it’s actually quite expensive around here.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Monad
n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. (See Molecule.) According to Leibnitz, as nearly as he seems willing to be understood, the monad has body without bulk, and mind without manifestation — Leibnitz knows him by the innate power of considering. He has founded upon him a theory of the universe, which the creature bears without resentment, for the monad is a gentleman. Small as he is, the monad contains all the powers and possibilities needful to his evolution into a German philosopher of the first class — altogether a very capable little fellow. He is not to be confounded with the microbe, or bacillus; by its inability to discern him, a good microscope shows him to be of an entirely distinct species.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
airport lounge
1. an atmosphere conducive to meditation and reflection; a good place to plan and spend one’s time; an oasis.
2. a dining room; a wide selection of healthy and somewhat-reasonably priced foods centrally located and pleasantly distributed.
3. a bar or overpriced distillery, tainted with the mild stench of shoe polish and the harsh glare of upper-class smugness, but hey, what are you gonna do?
4. an airport’s internal sleeping quarters; where to catch up on rest between flights; a hotel room without the beds, private bathrooms, dividing walls, or anyone to watch your bags if you nod off.
5. the last thing anyone ever sees in his or her right mind.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Alderman
n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Twice
adv. Once too often.