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The Devil’s Dictionary

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The Devil’s Dictionary

Daily Definitions for 11 March 2010

Improbability
n.
  His tale he told with a solemn face
  And a tender, melancholy grace.
      Improbable ’twas, no doubt,
      When you came to think it out,
      But the fascinated crowd
      Their deep surprise avowed
  And all with a single voice averred
  ’Twas the most amazing thing they’d heard —
  All save one who spake never a word,
      But sat as mum
      As if deaf and dumb,
  Serene, indifferent and unstirred.
      Then all the others turned to him
      And scrutinized him limb from limb —
      Scanned him alive;
      But he seemed to thrive
      And tranquiler grow each minute,
      As if there were nothing in it.
  “What! what!” cried one, “are you not amazed
  At what our friend has told?” He raised
  Soberly then his eyes and gazed
      In a natural way
      And proceeded to say,
  As he crossed his feet on the mantel-shelf:
  “O no — not at all; I’m a liar myself.”
Lighthouse
n. A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.
Reality
n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

About The Devil’s Dictionary

The Ambrose Bierce original.

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