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The Devil’s Dictionary

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The Devil’s Dictionary

B4


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Blackguard
n. A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box of berries in a market — the fine ones on top — have been opened on the wrong side. An inverted gentleman.
Blank-verse
n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters — the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.
Body-snatcher
n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. The hyena.
  “One night,” a doctor said, “last fall,
  I and my comrades, four in all,
      When visiting a graveyard stood
  Within the shadow of a wall.
  ”While waiting for the moon to sink
  We saw a wild hyena slink
      About a new-made grave, and then
  Begin to excavate its brink!
  ”Shocked by the horrid act, we made
  A sally from our ambuscade,
      And, falling on the unholy beast,
  Dispatched him with a pick and spade.”
Bettel K. Jhones
Bondsman
n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third. Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give. “I need no bondsmen,” he replied, “for I can give you my word of honor.” “And pray what may be the value of that?” inquired the amused Regent. “Monsieur, it is worth its weight in gold.”
Bore
n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Botany
n. The science of vegetables — those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill- smelling.
Bottle-nosed
adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker.
Boundary
n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.
Bounty
n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.
      A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects
  every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal
  instance of the Creator’s bounty in providing for the lives of His
  creatures.
Henry Ward Beecher

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