The Devil’s Dictionary994 terms |
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C3
- Childhood
- n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth — two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
- Christian
- n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely
inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not
inconsistent with a life of sin.
I dreamed I stood upon a hill, and, lo!
G.J.
The godly multitudes walked to and fro
Beneath, in Sabbath garments fitly clad,
With pious mien, appropriately sad,
While all the church bells made a solemn din —
A fire-alarm to those who lived in sin.
Then saw I gazing thoughtfully below,
With tranquil face, upon that holy show
A tall, spare figure in a robe of white,
Whose eyes diffused a melancholy light.
“God keep you, strange,” I exclaimed. “You are
No doubt (your habit shows it) from afar;
And yet I entertain the hope that you,
Like these good people, are a Christian too.”
He raised his eyes and with a look so stern
It made me with a thousand blushes burn
Replied — his manner with disdain was spiced:
“What! I a Christian? No, indeed! I’m Christ.” - Circus
- n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
- Clairvoyant
- n. A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.
- Clarionet
- n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet — two clarionets.
- Clergyman
- n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.
- Clio
- n. One of the nine Muses. Clio’s function was to preside over history — which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other popular speakers.
- Clock
- n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern
for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.
A busy man complained one day:
Purzil Crofe
“I get no time!” “What’s that you say?”
Cried out his friend, a lazy quiz;
”You have, sir, all the time there is.
There’s plenty, too, and don’t you doubt it —
We’re never for an hour without it.” - Close-fisted
- adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many
meritorious persons wish to obtain.
“Close-fisted Scotchman!” Johnson cried
Anita M. Bobe
To thrifty J. Macpherson;
”See me — I’m ready to divide
With any worthy person.”
Sad Jamie: “That is very true —
The boast requires no backing;
And all are worthy, sir, to you,
Who have what you are lacking.”