The Devil’s Dictionary994 terms |
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D2
- Debt
- n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-
driver.
As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet
Barlow S. Vode
Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet,
Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him,
Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him;
So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him,
Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him,
Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it,
And finds at last he might as well have paid it. - Decalogue
- n. A series of commandments, ten in number — just enough
to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to
embarrass the choice. Following is the revised edition of the
Decalogue, calculated for this meridian.
Thou shalt no God but me adore:
’Twere too expensive to have more.No images nor idols make
For Robert Ingersoll to break.Take not God’s name in vain; select
A time when it will have effect.Work not on Sabbath days at all,
But go to see the teams play ball.Honor thy parents. That creates
For life insurance lower rates.Kill not, abet not those who kill;
Thou shalt not pay thy butcher’s bill.Kiss not thy neighbor’s wife, unless
Thine own thy neighbor doth caressDon’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete
Successfully in business. Cheat.Bear not false witness — that is low —
But “hear ’tis rumored so and so.”Cover thou naught that thou hast not
G.J.
By hook or crook, or somehow, got. - Decide
- v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences
over another set.
A leaf was riven from a tree,
“I mean to fall to earth,” said he.The west wind, rising, made him veer.
“Eastward,” said he, “I now shall steer.”The east wind rose with greater force.
Said he: “’Twere wise to change my course.”With equal power they contend.
He said: “My judgment I suspend.”Down died the winds; the leaf, elate,
Cried: “I’ve decided to fall straight.”“First thoughts are best?” That’s not the moral;
Just choose your own and we’ll not quarrel.Howe’er your choice may chance to fall,
G.J.
You’ll have no hand in it at all. - Defame
- v.t. To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.
- Defenceless
- adj. Unable to attack.
- Degenerate
- adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one’s ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were striking examples of degeneracy; it required ten of them to raise a rock or a riot that one of the heroes of the Trojan war could have raised with ease. Homer never tires of sneering at “men who live in these degenerate days,” which is perhaps why they suffered him to beg his bread — a marked instance of returning good for evil, by the way, for if they had forbidden him he would certainly have starved.
- Degradation
- n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment.
- Deinotherium
- n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O’Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
- Dejeuner
- n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.