The Devil’s Dictionary994 terms |
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S3
- Scarification
- n. A form of penance practised by the mediaeval pious. The rite was performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot iron, but always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Scarification, with other crude penances, has now been superseded by benefaction. The founding of a library or endowment of a university is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain than is conferred by the knife or iron, and is therefore a surer means of grace. There are, however, two grave objections to it as a penitential method: the good that it does and the taint of justice.
- Scepter
- n. A king’s staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace with which the sovereign admonished his jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the bones of their proponents.
- Scimetar
- n. A curved sword of exceeding keenness, in the conduct of
which certain Orientals attain a surprising proficiency, as the
incident here related will serve to show. The account is translated
from the Japanese by Shusi Itama, a famous writer of the thirteenth
century.
When the great Gichi-Kuktai was Mikado he condemned to
decapitation Jijiji Ri, a high officer of the Court. Soon after
the hour appointed for performance of the rite what was his
Majesty’s surprise to see calmly approaching the throne the man
who should have been at that time ten minutes dead!
“Seventeen hundred impossible dragons!” shouted the enraged
monarch. “Did I not sentence you to stand in the market-place and
have your head struck off by the public executioner at three
o’clock? And is it not now 3:10?”
“Son of a thousand illustrious deities,” answered the
condemned minister, “all that you say is so true that the truth is
a lie in comparison. But your heavenly Majesty’s sunny and
vitalizing wishes have been pestilently disregarded. With joy I
ran and placed my unworthy body in the market-place. The
executioner appeared with his bare scimetar, ostentatiously
whirled it in air, and then, tapping me lightly upon the neck,
strode away, pelted by the populace, with whom I was ever a
favorite. I am come to pray for justice upon his own dishonorable
and treasonous head.”
”To what regiment of executioners does the black-boweled
caitiff belong?” asked the Mikado.
”To the gallant Ninety-eight Hundred and Thirty-seventh — I
know the man. His name is Sakko-Samshi.”
“Let him be brought before me,” said the Mikado to an
attendant, and a half-hour later the culprit stood in the
Presence.
“Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!”
roared the sovereign — “why didst thou but lightly tap the neck
that it should have been thy pleasure to sever?”
“Lord of Cranes of Cherry Blooms,” replied the executioner,
unmoved, “command him to blow his nose with his fingers.”
Being commanded, Jijiji Ri laid hold of his nose and trumpeted
like an elephant, all expecting to see the severed head flung
violently from him. Nothing occurred: the performance prospered
peacefully to the close, without incident.
All eyes were now turned on the executioner, who had grown as
white as the snows on the summit of Fujiama. His legs trembled
and his breath came in gasps of terror.
“Several kinds of spike-tailed brass lions!” he cried; “I am a
ruined and disgraced swordsman! I struck the villain feebly
because in flourishing the scimetar I had accidentally passed it
through my own neck! Father of the Moon, I resign my office.”
So saying, he grasped his top-knot, lifted off his head, and
advancing to the throne laid it humbly at the Mikado’s feet. - Scrap-book
- n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many
persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing
whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to
collect. One of these egotists was addressed in the lines following,
by Agamemnon Melancthon Peters:
Dear Frank, that scrap-book where you boast
You keep a record true
Of every kind of peppered roast
That’s made of you;Wherein you paste the printed gibes
That revel round your name,
Thinking the laughter of the scribes
Attests your fame;Where all the pictures you arrange
That comic pencils trace —
Your funny figure and your strange
Semitic face --Pray lend it me. Wit I have not,
Nor art, but there I’ll list
The daily drubbings you’d have got
Had God a fist. - Scribbler
- n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one’s own.
- Scriptures
- n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
- Seal
- n. A mark impressed upon certain kinds of documents to attest their authenticity and authority. Sometimes it is stamped upon wax, and attached to the paper, sometimes into the paper itself. Sealing, in this sense, is a survival of an ancient custom of inscribing important papers with cabalistic words or signs to give them a magical efficacy independent of the authority that they represent. In the British museum are preserved many ancient papers, mostly of a sacerdotal character, validated by necromantic pentagrams and other devices, frequently initial letters of words to conjure with; and in many instances these are attached in the same way that seals are appended now. As nearly every reasonless and apparently meaningless custom, rite or observance of modern times had origin in some remote utility, it is pleasing to note an example of ancient nonsense evolving in the process of ages into something really useful. Our word “sincere” is derived from sine cero, without wax, but the learned are not in agreement as to whether this refers to the absence of the cabalistic signs, or to that of the wax with which letters were formerly closed from public scrutiny. Either view of the matter will serve one in immediate need of an hypothesis. The initials L.S., commonly appended to signatures of legal documents, mean locum sigillis, the place of the seal, although the seal is no longer used — an admirable example of conservatism distinguishing Man from the beasts that perish. The words locum sigillis are humbly suggested as a suitable motto for the Pribyloff Islands whenever they shall take their place as a sovereign State of the American Union.
- Seine
- n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of
environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are
more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with
small, cut stones.
The devil casting a seine of lace,
(With precious stones ’twas weighted)
Drew it into the landing place
And its contents calculated.All souls of women were in that sack —
Baruch de Loppis
A draft miraculous, precious!
But ere he could throw it across his back
They’d all escaped through the meshes. - Self-esteem
- n. An erroneous appraisement.