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The Devil’s Dictionary

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The Devil’s Dictionary

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Duel
n. A formal ceremony preliminary to the reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed the most unexpected and deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life in a duel.
  That dueling’s a gentlemanly vice
      I hold; and wish that it had been my lot
      To live my life out in some favored spot —
  Some country where it is considered nice
  To split a rival like a fish, or slice
      A husband like a spud, or with a shot
      Bring down a debtor doubled in a knot
  And ready to be put upon the ice.
  Some miscreants there are, whom I do long
      To shoot, to stab, or some such way reclaim
  The scurvy rogues to better lives and manners,
  I seem to see them now — a mighty throng.
      It looks as if to challenge me they came,
  Jauntily marching with brass bands and banners!
Xamba Q. Dar