The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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A3
- advertiser
- one who would rather spend money convincing you they do a good job than spend the same money doing that job well; a date-rapist.
- advertising
- an expensive and revolutionary method by which companies improve your opinions.
- advertorial
- 1. the dildo of literature—while in theory somewhat like the real organ, in practice a perpetually frustrating disappointment.
- 2. spurious; disingenuous; karmic.
- advice
- a crowbar for getting into someone’s life ass first.
- aesthetics
- 1. before the 20th Century, the study of what was beautiful.
- 2. post-20th Century, this word was broadened somewhat to include the study of what lengths of self-mockery an individual will go to in order to get a little grant money in his clutches.
- affirmative action
- 1. any act which affirms that no human will ever receive equal treatment, as the second it becomes a possibility some learned individual discovers an elaborate rationalization to put racism back in its proper place: everyday life.
- 2. a legal initiative to better race relations by offering improved employment or educational situations to minority races instead of to those who earned them.
- 3. racism vs. racism; only history can record which of these competing ideas will prove supreme.
- 4. white man’s burden, epilog.
- Africa
- the only place in the world you’ll ever find a drum circle worth the cost of a beverage.
- aggression
- 1. the single most significant catalyst behind all destructive forces on the planet.
- 2. the single most attractive characteristic in men to the so-called gentler sex.
- Agnostic
- 1. neurotic.
- 2. one prone to severe and seemingly endless bouts of indecisiveness.
- 3. one who goes against the Gnostics, a long vanished religious sect remarkable for their narrow loss to Christianity in the great Cosmic game of Slap-Jack.