The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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B
- baby
- the generic term for the brand name Bundle of Joy™—the active ingredients of this product include: screams, green feces, and urine stained shirts; the inactive ingredient being, of course, joy.
- bachelor
- 1. a man whose entire wardrobe hangs down the backrest of his one chair.
- 2. one who, when forced to choose, will purchase an “oil can” of Foster’s beer over anything comparable in price.
- back
- the physical feature by which your acquaintances can most readily recognize your mother.
- balanced
- indifferent; happy.
- banker’s hours
- 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. with a longish lunch break, excepting major or postal holidays, feasts, and saints’ days—corresponding neatly with the French work calendar.
- baptism
- a quick, pleasant dip in the church pool, with some long, dry consequences forthcoming; e.g., the sermon which follows.
- Baptist
- a religion based on holding one’s breath until one gets what one wants; in this case, salvation.
- Barnaby
- 1. a type of North American giant sloth which refuses to go extinct.
- 2. a barricade used to prevent authors from publishing their work; similar in several respects to a girlfriend; vt, “It’s a good book but I think it’ll get Barnabied.”
- barrister
- a gay attorney.