The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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C2
- carpetbagger
- a Yankee lawyer bringing class action against a tobacconist.
- Catholic
- one who practices Catholicism; an altogether superior form of Christian when compared with the lowly Protestant who has claim to not one legitimate Crusade and but 500 years of drunken lunacy with barely a few thousand witches and Jews converted to carbon in that span.
- Catholicism
- 1. a universal religion with not a single literal adherent.
- 2. a snowball rolling down the big hill toward the lowest place.
- caution
- 1. instructional word on how to proceed when a woman brings up the topic of her weight.
- 2. instructional word on how to proceed when a woman brings up a topic.
- 3. a highway signpost, useful in alerting one to the proximity of the landmarks of the deaths of town officials’ drunk-driving relatives.
- 4. n, the act of supplying those crack dealers upstairs with enough bong hits per week to keep them from robbing and/or raping you out of irritated, sober boredom.
- cell phone
- a remarkable piece of technology that renders a rectum capable of speech.
- censor
- 1. to personalize or adjust something exceedingly true.
- 2. to paraphrase using more accessible words, such as “beep.”
- challenge
- the politically correct term for an obstacle; an impediment; a co-worker.
- chaos theory
- a scientific idea that apparently random or complex things have simple genera—leading some to speculate that the apparent complexity a PhD in Physics rests upon is probably nothing more than a spinner seeded by an equation lookup table.
- Chappaquiddick
- a river in Massachusetts popular with the wealthy of New England as a destination for drive-in dates.