The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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C3
- Chappelle, Dave
- the greatest philosopher of the last 1,000 years, masquerading as a harmless skinny black stoner so as to be able to deliver his gospel on two feet instead of two wooden beams.
- charisma
- 1. money, in the hands of one inclined to brag and flaunt.
- 2. cartoonish enthusiasm presented in front of any crowd familiar with one’s previous infomercials.
- chaste
- the opposite of pursued.
- cheater
- someone who prospers but employs no PR.
- check-in time
- 1. a suggested amount of time spent at the airport, previous to one’s flight, which increases in length according to the consumer’s growing understanding of airport retail markups.
- 2. the moment in time when one ought to check-in to a facility for help with one’s habits or sanity, eg: “Blibbabooboo, ring ding, gaboingo.”
- cherry
- a type of extremely expensive berry which grows in the lowland scrub of all continents; its dearness due to the fact that it is almost always picked too early or left to rot between the branches.
- child
- 1. a carbon copy; a wormy apple at the base of the tree; a constant reminder of how little one bothered to do and learn up till this point and now has lost any chance at again.
- 2. a murderer or drug dealer with a sort of diplomatic immunity from prosecution.
- 3. a pawn; a shield; an outlet.
- children
- the pupae of a specific species of anthropoid simians which fluctuate between chilling displays of cuteness and the torturing of small animals to death.
- China
- 1. a department of the World Bureaucracy known primarily for its supreme frugality exhibited in part by the billing of the families of executed for their executions, itemized to the bullet.
- 2. a nation almost entirely devoid of wildlife, with amazing restaurants.
- 3. a nation of more than one billion sharing a single clock.
- 4. Marx’s largest résumé; entry; the best reason for digging him up and hanging him.
- 5. with the recent cessation of Arkansas’ “Blood-letting for Bad-humors” campaign, the world’s last holdout in medical quackery.