OpenDevil » The Open Devil’s Dictionary

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The Devil’s Dictionary X™

1,267 terms

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The Devil’s Dictionary X™

E2


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email
1. a hot new communication tool poised to overthrow the mass media’s dull monarchy over humanity.
2. a chance at writing several people the same message, showing them the same picture; form-letter 2.0.
3. a sickeningly blatant glance at the lack of imagination which plagues the vast majority; a mirror.
4. a friendly yet insistent sales pitch; an advertisement.
5. an inescapable convenience in Hell; a torture device.
Emancipation Proclamation, the
an apple and a roadmap given to black Americans, as a 1863 New Year’s gift, by Abraham Lincoln.
emasculating
1. eating dinner with one’s mother and spouse simultaneously.
2. eating dinner with either one’s mother or spouse.
more at vagina dentata.
embezzle
to vote oneself a raise without interference from the employer; this technique is practiced semi-annually by the American Congress.
emigrant
an individual suffering from severe green-green color-blindness.
Eminent Domain
the come around of Manifest Destiny’s having gone around; a favorite punchline around the water cooler of the Happy Hunting Grounds.
see also Manifest Destiny and private property.
emoticon
1. a wide range of refined emotions expressed via the click of a button; authorship; originality; what Robert Frost was referring to in his poem, “The Road Less .”
2. baby-talk for Systems Analysts.
3. sheer yellow faced, twisty mouthed genius; the world-language to be; a long awaited return from the consequences of the Tower of Babel; world-peace; utopia.
emotions
1. what men are criticized harshly for failing to show in a timely and accurate manner.
2. what men are crucified for, daily, for showing in any manner.
3. woman’s answer to the boxing ring.
4. what all of the seven deadly sins are derived from in some fashion.
emptiness
the hangover of particularly strong satisfaction.

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