The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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F
- FAA
- 1. Federal Anxiety Administration.
- 2. Federal Anal Assessors.
- 3. our nation’s expert logicians, who together have decided that stripping passengers of their right to privacy, removing all guarantees regarding their property, then cluttering as many of them into an airport at a time as possible provides an additional line of defense against fanatical terrorism; this theory is based on the astute assumption that terrorists, however shrewd, are entirely and exclusively bent on killing people once they are airborne.
- fact
- 1. that which is objectively true.
- 2. something provable.
- 3. a quantifiable piece of information.
- 4. a good guess.
- 5. the way one remembers a thing.
- 6. adultery.
- fad
- the exaggerated and temporary interest in another’s over-blown and short-lived interest in a thing; the theoretical tipping point of monkey see, monkey do.
- faggot
- a man living an unnatural lifestyle; e.g., a white rapper.
- fagot
- a bassoon, from the Italian, fagotto; fagot is the instrument, not to be confused with the bassoonist who is properly called a “fagot blower.”
- fair use
- a survival tactic—by keeping one’s pilfering to a sugar-packet and office-pen level, one can make retribution of any scale seem unfair and thus defer punishment till the day a lexicographer’s children are grown.
- faith
- 1. fidelity and allegiance to an idea, a place, or a person.
- 2. abdication of all thought to an idea, a place, or a person.
see also belief. - false economy
- 1. to vote Republican for a tax credit.
- 2. to vote Democrat for an extension of benefits.
- 3. an expression meaning to save a dollar through an expenditure of 10 bits.
- family
- 1. traditionally, blood relations and in-laws.
- 2. n, in reference to those most capable of hurting one’s feelings.
- 3. a de facto relationship void of free will which most political parties and philosophies tout as the strongest tie and most moral direction of personal duty.
- 4. the acorn from which the oak woods of racism, nationalism and violence are born.