The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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H
- habeas corpus
- a trivial entry in a list of words from a dead language now only of historical interest.
- hacker
- 1. a self-involved twerp who considers a fraudulent or manipulative phone call to be computer programming.
- 2. a similar type of man-monkey that goes through youth smashing, deceiving, invading, violating, defacing, and stealing then cries like an 8-year-old girl once caught and given prison time.
- 3. one so devoid of creativity and the inspiration requisite for eureka moments, tireless systematic “hacking” of mind numbing digital minutia is the only way to accomplish anything of seeming intelligence.
- 4. a post graduate D&D freak or Accutane addict who can type “rm -rf /” or URL encode a configuration string.
more at cracker. - 5. any retard who can count to 255 and then a few numbers higher.
- haiku
- 1. sophistication for the simple.
- 2. in Japan a form of poetry which is by definition about the seasons and nature; in America any piece of crap seventeen syllables in length.
- 3. a writing exercise perfectly suited to special education.
- Halotosis
- a condition afflicting most hard core gamers.
- Hamsterdam
- what’s the matter with you? are you insane?
- Hanukkah
- a desperate bid by Jewish parents everywhere to prevent their children from converting in droves each December; its limited success due to the fact that eight days of socks, underwear, and potato pancakes cannot hold a candle, let alone eight, to Dream House Barbie and GI Joe.
- happiness
- 1. sad complacency.
- 2. the upside to a good manic.
- 3. waking up from a heavy night of drinking and then discovering funds still reside in one’s bank account.
- harmony
- 1. naturalist term describing a bloody, vicious struggle where the murder and birth rates manage to stay in step.
- 2. popular culture term describing a velvet painting of a smiling lion peacefully surrounded by lambs; a similar portrait of Native Americans.
- hate
- 1. an indigestible dish traditionally served in a bottomless bowl.
- 2. hat with an e on the end; isn’t that silly? don’t you feel better about it all now?
- 3. a jewel with a Mohs’ value of 10.