The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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I
- ibid
- from the Latin term, ibidem, meaning, only monkeys look.
- idiot
- 1. Christ in Russia.
- 2. curious George in Washington.
- IKEA
- 1. merchant bent on achieving world domination via the curious tactic of gradually making every living room in the world identical.
- 2. an Axis partner of Starbucks; the new Swedish Gestapo theorizes that hopped up people will be more readily assimilated.
- illegal
- 1. describing that which can be used against a person through threat of public revelation by anyone else, especially an officer of the law.
- 2. describing that which can be made up about a person by anyone else, especially an officer of the law.
- 3. condescending parental tips, where refusal is punishable by law; the government’s high-horse; your ass in a napkin.
- IM, instant message
- 1. in the workplace: the equivalent of unwanted company appearing at your desk when you’re on a deadline, and then reappearing, and then asking if you’re paying attention, then popping back around to ask if you saw that cute picture of kittens that went around the office yesterday, then checking in to see if you got the email he just sent you, and then reappearing at your desk just to smile, and then asking where the work is that you’re supposed to be done with.
- 2. the revenge of the lonely and insecure, violently visited upon any poor wretch with an answering machine who doesn’t mind being out of contact with all the leaves of his address book for so much as an hour.
- imagination
- premeditated fear.
- imagine
- to shirk one’s duty to the moment.
- immigrant
- someone initially arriving in the United States with hopes of obtaining some pretty exceptional carrots.
- important
- in speech and debate, one “er” sound away from “impotent.”