The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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I2
- impotence
- the incapability of achieving an erection, occurring at some point in well over half all human male lives; what a bunch of pathetic freaks.
- inaffectual
- lacking the instincts to nurture or be nurtured; existing without any love.
- inappropriate
- [we invite the reader to consult other tomes in this case as it should be obvious by now this lexicographer has no sense of the term.]
- incest
- 1. to engage in sexual concourse with a blood relative; an horrific crime against God and man.
- 2. as related in Genesis, the primary way in which mankind came to cover the globe, done at the express behest of the creator Himself.
- independence
- 1. foot stomping; denying the existence of those closest.
- 2. Thomas Paine’s most famous drink recipe dictated to Thomas Jefferson, read by William Shatner, filmed by Leni Riefenstahl on her 100th birthday, and scored to the tune of some Nazi march or another.
- 3. inconsideration; insensitivity.
- Independence Day
- 1. a colorful American festivity taking place the day after a hugely celebrated British holiday, known as “Dependence Day.”
- 2. the date of the marked realization that external forces no longer held power over American territory, so we’d have to find a way of torching it ourselves.
- individualism
- misanthropy in a suit jacket.
- induced labor
- the process of medicinally speeding the delivery of a child, typically via the administration of highly concentrated synthetic oxytocin which artificially, and with tremendously increased pain for the mother, brings rapid onset of labor; recent studies indicate a nearly 1:1 correlation between the frequency of induced labor and Obstetrics department scheduling conflicts with reservations at the Links.
- influenza
- also the flu; a disease which once wiped out 75,000,000 lives in the space of a year now sends the sky crashing down when the winter funeral count exceeds the price of gasoline.