The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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J2
- Jesus
- 1. one third of a trinity of deities consisting of the following: Jesus, Mohammed, and Buddha.
- 2. the most famous Jew in history whose followers have sworn to emulate his life; they begin by swearing off Jewry and killing or persecuting as many Jews as are readily available.
- Jesus freak
- 1. epithet used to describe a Baptist, considered offensive.
- 2. epithet used to describe a Baptist, considered accurate.
see also Jesus phreak. - Jesus phreak
- 1. a born again hacker.
- 2. a man or woman with a sexual complex relating to the savior; one who carries a spear instead of a torch.
see also Jesus freak. - Jew
- 1. a Semite; member of the Arabian races.
- 2. a matrilineal race characterized by habitual mutilation of the male sex organ and an overfondness for banking.
- 3. the chosen people; chosen last and for the worst in all cases to date.
- job
- 1. a killing performed for money; a hit.
- 2. a sex act of any kind (blow-job, rim-job, a lube-job, etc).
- 3. what one pretends to do in the hope others will work.
- 4. the single most distasteful implication of adulthood.
- 5. something so repellent to the modern American psyche that it is actively avoided at all costs.
[the single exception to definition 5 is the immigrant, who has no distaste for—or difficulty excelling at—work; ranging from scientific to janitorial.]
more on American significance at lottery. - john
- a man who is given a fish.
compare with pimp. - joke
- 1. an action, especially verbal, which is intended to be funny or to hurt someone.
- 2. a gift which, if not well taken, is a sign of dullness in the recipient; as in “Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke,” and “He who laughs last, thinks slowest.”
- 3. a gift which, if requiring explanation, is a sign of dullness in the giver; not funny to begin with; a social retard’s best jest.
- 4. that which is intended to raise someone’s expectations to the minimum height, usually above a sheet of concrete, necessary to achieve terminal velocity when they are let down; this is where the expression, “Life is funny,” refers.
- journalist
- 1. a writer who writes about sensational occurrences long after they happen and even longer after they are interesting.
- 2. a writer who uses marketing in lieu of judgement, appetite in place of taste, and style as proxy for skill.
- 3. an anti-romantic; a naturalist with a day job.
more at news room. - judge
- an official entrusted with administration of the interests of the white man.