The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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N
- naïve
- willing to believe anything; open minded.
- nap
- 1. the sleep of adults and opportunistic parents.
- 2. what alcoholics take in the twilight between drinks to stop the morning shakes and drinks to get on with enjoying another beautiful evening.
- NASDAQ
- 1. the Arabian word for sneeze.
- 2. a soft-science calculation regarding the value of countless gambling notes perpetuated by power hungry computer twits high off the smell of soldered plastic.
- nasty
- 1. willing and limber; passive and flexible.
- 2. deviant; not at all opposed to mutual satisfaction; kind, considerate, caring and sweet.
- 3. five letters which differentiate your girlfriend’s other email address from the one you’re now aware of.
- natural disaster
- a naturally occurring catastrophe wherein untold horror and death is visited upon humanity in the form of being burned alive by volcanoes, pulped by earthquakes, frozen by ice storm, drowned by disturbed waters, or sucked up to the heavens by a funnel cloud, thusly robbing many of their rightful chance to die of bone cancer or nursing home abuse.
see also act of God. - natural selection
- 1. a choice that comes naturally; e.g., death before disco.
- 2. a theory proposed in 1859 by the son of a preacher man; yes he was, he was, oh, yes he was.
more at evolution. - Nazi
- 1. a shortening of the German term “national socialist;” any similar socialist who lives in a nation.
- 2. any person whose politics elevates the importance of one’s nation, or Fatherland, above all humanist values such as television and Spring Break.
- 3. if you are of German or Austrian extraction, and not a Jew, your grandparents.
- need
- American slang, to want.
- Negro Bill
- 1. a campsite in Moab, Utah named after a black outlaw of local infamy.
- 2. an adorable water fowl frequenting the Colorado River, sporting a politically questionable beak.
- 3. an act of Congress which starts with the words, “Negro wasn’t exactly the word they used back then,” and ends with, “That’s just the way folk talk around here.”