The Devil’s Dictionary X™1,267 terms |
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S3
- seasonal
- a handy word for the hotel industry, which is relieved of paying its employees' time and a half for working holidays; this sympathetic “seasonal industry” law was created as protection for employers who pull in about three hundred percent more profit than average during these “seasonal” periods.
- Seattle
- 1. Seatown—neither a town nor on the sea.
- 2. Jet City—hereafter minus jets.
- 3. the Emerald City, take 2—somewhere between rain drenched poppy fields, androids, and electric sheep.
- 4. eight months of winter rain and unemployment dying to teach your sorry Midwestern ass that Seasonal Affective Disorder is all that stands between you and meeting Kurt Cobain in person.
- security consultant
- one who won’t pass the buck because he or she will refuse to accept it to begin with.
- sedition
- the perfect grace between the window sill and the concrete.
- segregationist
- one who has fathered a mixed-race child and is extremely interested in keeping the mother from meeting his wife.
- self-help
- 1. a new language, exactly like American English, but excluding the Accusative Case.
- 2. the only potentially reliable form of help.
- 3. what most advice from friends will correctly amount to one turning to.
- self-image
- 1. what your parents think about you.
- 2. what your friends say about you.
- 3. a portrait one paints with words like “character” and “soul,” to use as a replacement for the increasingly displeasing image presented each morning in one’s bathroom mirror.
- self-respect
- 1. ambiguous feelings about one’s shortcomings.
- 2. the ability to make inexcusable behavior perfectly coincide with black-out caliber drinking.
- 3. narcissism.
compare with egoism. - Semite
- a Jew or Arab or any of their ancestral peoples; one term encompasses both as the rest of world can’t tell, nor has any interest in learning to tell, the difference.