OpenDevil » The Open Devil’s Dictionary

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2,361 terms

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The Devil’s Dictionary X™
AA
1. very nearly a towing company; that which will take a broken down car eight-twelfths of the way to the nearest mechanic.
2. abrv, Anti-Agnostics.
3. a support group which offers the replacement of a once pleasurable addiction for an utterly displeasurable network of security.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
aardvark
an audacious creature chiefly remarkable for its length of tongue, fondness for ants, and precociousness in lexicons.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Abasement
n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth of power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Abatis
n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Abdication
n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.
  Poor Isabella’s Dead, whose abdication
  Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.
  For that performance ’twere unfair to scold her:
  She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her.
  To History she’ll be no royal riddle —
  Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.
G.J.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Abdomen
n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a free hand in the world’s marketing the race would become graminivorous.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Ability
n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
able
sober; e.g., “I might not be able to make it to the project meeting.”
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
ably
adv, describing the way a thing is done when it is done for money.

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