OpenDevil » The Open Devil’s Dictionary

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2,355 terms

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OpenDevil » PanDictionary

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The Devil’s Dictionary 2.0
e-mail
A method of electronic communication, primarily used to inform you that your penis is too small.
“I’ve got e-mail. And it is not!”
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Earth Day
a holiday celebrated by a lot of stomping about and subsequent removal of topsoil in America’s parklands.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Eat
v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. “I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner,” said Brillat- Savarin, beginning an anecdote. “What!” interrupted Rochebriant; “eating dinner in a drawing-room?” “I must beg you to observe, monsieur,” explained the great gastronome, “that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before.”
The Devil’s Dictionary
Eavesdrop
v.i. Secretly to overhear a catalogue of the crimes and vices of another or yourself.
  A lady with one of her ears applied
  To an open keyhole heard, inside,
  Two female gossips in converse free —
  The subject engaging them was she.
  “I think,” said one, “and my husband thinks
  That she’s a prying, inquisitive minx!”
  As soon as no more of it she could hear
  The lady, indignant, removed her ear.
  “I will not stay,” she said, with a pout,
  “To hear my character lied about!”
Gopete Sherany
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
eBay
an online alternative to traditional collecting where mint condition means only kinda fucked-up.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Eccentricity
n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
economist
a devotee of chaos theory, without the math degrees; a person whose unbroken string of losses at Monopoly has spawned a vendetta against bankers and property holders; a weather man for economies.
see also weather man.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Economy
n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Edible
adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

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