OpenDevil » The Open Devil’s Dictionary

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J


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The Devil’s Dictionary
J
J is a consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel — than which nothing could be more absurd. Its original form, which has been but slightly modified, was that of the tail of a subdued dog, and it was not a letter but a character, standing for a Latin verb, jacere, “to throw,” because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog’s tail assumes that shape. This is the origin of the letter, as expounded by the renowned Dr. Jocolpus Bumer, of the University of Belgrade, who established his conclusions on the subject in a work of three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being reminded that the j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Jack Daniel’s
a popular American whiskey from the state of Tennessee named for its original proprietor who—like so many vendors of extra-legal luxury commodities today—entered his trade at 13 years of age.
see also breakfast.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Jackson, Michael
the rather talented but unfortunate combination of Jerry Lee Lewis and Nijinsky.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
jailbait
a type of wriggling pink creature which can make even the hook of a state penitentiary seem a fine dish.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Japan
land of the rising sun and the setting sense of self.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Japanese Patent Officer
1. a minor devil; a demon.
2. a running gag.
3. a man who would rather take his life than pay his bill.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
jarhead
an epithet generally directed at those who habitually shave their heads to resemble the top of a jar; a Marine.
compare to raghead.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
java
1. nonsense, hipster slang for coffee.
2. nonsense, hipster slang for programming.
more at fad.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
jazz
1. an African American musician’s insufficient check.
2. a white musician’s insufficient jizm.

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