OpenDevil » The Open Devil’s Dictionary

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The Devil’s Dictionary
Obsolete
adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer, but if it is a good word and has no exact modern equivalent equally good, it is good enough for the good writer. Indeed, a writer’s attitude toward “obsolete” words is as true a measure of his literary ability as anything except the character of his work. A dictionary of obsolete and obsolescent words would not only be singularly rich in strong and sweet parts of speech; it would add large possessions to the vocabulary of every competent writer who might not happen to be a competent reader.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Obstinate
adj. Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy. The popular type and exponent of obstinacy is the mule, a most intelligent animal.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Occasional
adj. Afflicting us with greater or less frequency. That, however, is not the sense in which the word is used in the phrase “occasional verses,” which are verses written for an “occasion,” such as an anniversary, a celebration or other event. True, they afflict us a little worse than other sorts of verse, but their name has no reference to irregular recurrence.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Occident
n. The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call “war” and “commerce.” These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Ocean
n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
odd
1. thinking twice about information received on mainstream television news.
2. thinking at all about the motives of one’s government.
3. asking what the price of an item is, and then choosing whether or not to buy the item according to the price.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Offensive
adj. Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy. “Were the enemy’s tactics offensive?” the king asked. “I should say so!” replied the unsuccessful general. “The blackguard wouldn’t come out of his works!”
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
official
1. fake; meatless; pretense of meaning or status; academic.
2. typed or printed, as opposed to handwritten.
The Devil’s Dictionary
Old
adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an old man. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an old book.
  “Old books? The devil take them!” Goby said.
  “Fresh every day must be my books and bread.”
  Nature herself approves the Goby rule
  And gives us every moment a fresh fool.
Harley Shum

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