OpenDevil » PanDictionary2,350 terms |
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U2
- uncle
- 1. one’s symbolic exclamation to the Universe, upon either accepting or quitting a job.
- 2. a lexicographer’s simplified relationship to more of you than want to know, regardless of what your mother will admit.
- unconditional
- 1. describing the type of love one receives in discretion.
- 2. describing anything which is given freely, with the word “if” strongly suggested thereafter in tone, expression, and consequences.
- Unction
- n. An oiling, or greasing. The rite of extreme unction consists in touching with oil consecrated by a bishop several parts of the body of one engaged in dying. Marbury relates that after the rite had been administered to a certain wicked English nobleman it was discovered that the oil had not been properly consecrated and no other could be obtained. When informed of this the sick man said in anger: “Then I’ll be damned if I die!” “My son,” said the priest, “this is what we fear.”
- underclass
- American usage, while once those who owned but a single television set, now anyone who owns only one summer house.
- underemployed
- 1. the state in which wine vendors and florists can find themselves off season.
- 2. one in whom a learning disability prevents the understanding of supply and demand.
- Understanding
- n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to
know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and
laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and
Kant, who lived in a horse.
His understanding was so keen
Jorrock Wormley
That all things which he’d felt, heard, seen,
He could interpret without fail
If he was in or out of jail.
He wrote at Inspiration’s call
Deep disquisitions on them all,
Then, pent at last in an asylum,
Performed the service to compile ’em.
So great a writer, all men swore,
They never had not read before. - understanding
- polite; socialized.
- unemployed
- 1. dangerous; criminally insane; having no desire to get up at seven a.m. only to go home suicidally bored around dark, five days a week for fifty years straight; a dangerous cancer on society’s ass; a musician.
- 2. describing one whose credit and reputation at the taco truck within walking distance is of utmost importance for survival.
- 3. anyone who describes himself as “self-employed.”
- unemployment benefits
- 1. whereby job hunting is replaced with a couple of hours on hold to report a couple of ghost applications, per week, turned in to places one knows for a fact are not hiring.
- 2. monies which have been set aside from years of hardship in unsatisfactory conditions, in order to one day experience being turned down at retrieving those monies during hardship in unsatisfactory conditions.
- 3. a small percentage of the blood which has been taken out of one’s body over time, to be replaced upon approval minus another ten percent; this second round of blood letting is good-humoredly referred to as “income tax.”
