OpenDevil » The Open Devil’s Dictionary

NOTE: OpenDevil is in public beta. You should not yet count on data persistence, especially votes, if you register. This was last modified 22 July 2007
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Recent terms defined by the devil

The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Godwin’s law
an adage demonstrating that no one born after Jane Fonda flirted with a career as a DJ in 1972 is aware that Mao and Stalin ended 12 times more lives than Hitler.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Jack Daniel’s
a popular American whiskey from the state of Tennessee named for its original proprietor who—like so many vendors of extra-legal luxury commodities today—entered his trade at 13 years of age.
see also breakfast.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Kool-Aid®
1. a sweetened chemical solvent for lysergic acid diethylamide.
2. a sweetened chemical solvent for cyanide.
3. the direct object in the title of an impending Kraft Foodservice lawsuit threatening to remove this superb website from active service.
4. oh, yeah!
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
latté
espresso for girls.
see also, espresso.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Moore’s Law
a computer science principle stating that every 18 months your need to purchase a new computer will double.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Mother’s Day
a state enforced holiday which demands a sense of sacred reverence for any woman who has borne a child; unfortunately the reverence is required even for those that birthed quivering 4lb crack-addicted premies—fortunately the reverence is not required the other 364 days of the year and can be had for the price of a Hallmark card accompanying last week’s stale roses.
more at mother; compare to Father’s Day.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
naïve
willing to believe anything; open minded.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
résumé
1. a targeted collection of lies.
2. an uncomfortable combing of one’s past for any events conveying: “I’m better than you deserve but have such low self-esteem that I’ll never bring it up during salary discussions.”
see also volunteer-work.
3. elaborate fabrications regarding one’s qualifications for sucking it up; a virtual make-over.
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
Valentine’s Day
1. a Springtime kick in the teeth, and a box of chocolates.
2. a pointless erection two weeks in the making, and a box of chocolates.
3. the hand hovering to jerk the needle from the vinyl in the great romance “musical chairs.”
The Devil’s Dictionary X™
white man’s burden
his brethren.